I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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