That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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