wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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