Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
