Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
