R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
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