go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize