This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
There's even glitter on my cock...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
