Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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