theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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