I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
