Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize
