tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
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