U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
