So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
