i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize