you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
