Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
