Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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