weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Randomize
