the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I wanna passion pit in your ass
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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