I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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