: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
