Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
