apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
i now understand why vodka
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
