After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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