i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
