A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
