Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
