I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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