You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
