Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
