Well douche your snatch and let's go!
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
