I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
