Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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