i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
