Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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