she was so not down for the gang bang
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
