I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
