and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Randomize
