I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
