that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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