Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
