meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize