I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
what day is it and did you see me today?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
sex in a hospital.. check
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
