Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
