There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
