They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Your shirt... Was in my pants
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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