It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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