You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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