The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
