"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
