please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
