Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
