i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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