I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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