Barsexuality is the new black.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
