imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
