He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
soo... how was my night?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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