ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
