Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
