I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize