I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
