Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
