Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
