Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize