She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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