Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
